Monday, March 16, 2009
So, the title says it all and I will repeat it here: It has been awhile...
I was doing some internet stalking and decided to check out the old blog for a few minutes. Much to my dismay, C has not been posting anything on here, so there was not much to peruse. However, I do love that someone called him a Ding Dong. I really doubt that he would take that as an insult -- it probably just made him hungry.
Anyway, to continue down the path of acting superior (that seems to be what Ding Dong was accused of), I thought I would share a reflection from my vacation time in Ohio. I like to think that I am pretty self-aware. In fact, I rationalize that I get paid to be self-aware and to help others to be a bit more aware of themselves and others (of course the job description says something else). I also like to think that I am a really "down to earth" individual, basically a "salt of the Earth" sort of gal. Well, I am now admitting I am more "out of this world" and much more aspartame then I previously would have liked to admit. I like those few (okay, many) times when I am proven wrong. My whole "down-to-Earth-hippy-dippy" 'tude came to a crashing halt this last weekend. It was all revealed to me through a trip with the family to Cici's Pizza, or as I like to call the visit, My realization that I am easily annoyed and annoying.
Have you ever visited a Cici's Pizza? Or as they are called here in Indiana, Eatza Pizza (or something corny like that)? It is a buffet-style of pizza, breadsticks and salad for a ridiculous cheap prize (around $5.99). That really should be enough to draw me and my fat self in. When you first enter the doors of Cici's (or Hell), you are greeted with a "WELCOME TO CICI'S!!!!!!!!" Just in case you thought I left my caps lock button on, I did not. The manager seriously sounded like a fog horn. I do not know if his voice was the beacon to lead me on to greasy delights, but it did have the effect of instantly pissing me off. Call me old school, but I just do not like getting yelled at ever, especially at a dining establishment where I will eventually feel guilty for overeating anyway. Apparently after reading a lot of reviews online, this is a required greeting and many people like it (that makes me shutter).
My parents apparently got these free buffet coupons for ordering pizza there at a previous date and time. Both of my parents wear bifocals...bifocals that they usually lose a lot...the coupons were expired. So, the woman ringing us up seems really confused at this point. She seems intimidated to inform my father that these coupons were expired. As she points to the date to show my dad who will not even see the font she is pointing to, I notice she has a tattoo that says "serenity". I secretly wonder if she hates her job and the fact that she has to look at her wrist all day while working not to lose it. So the "WELCOME TO CICI'S!!!!!!!" dude comes over. Turns out he is the manager. He makes the grand gesture to give us 1 free buffet and charge us for two. My father acts all kinds of offended because he is the definition of cheap. So, the total is $14.00 -- a small catastrophe. Great! we have not even started the buffet line and my dad is just waiting to show the manager what he thinks of his "generous offer". I can see the gleam in my father's eye and I just know he is going to eat several dollars worth of pizza -- maybe even an entire pizza!!
The atmosphere of this place is just short of horrific. It is set up all cafeteria style and just as annoying as some school cafeteria. Who has ever said, "This cafeteria is to die for?" There are umpteens of children in this place -- like 5 kids per adult. That ratio bothers me. Where are my nuclear families at?! The kids all seem to have runny noses and I am guessing at least one of the parents must be color-blind. I am appalled that I sound so absolutely bitchy at assessing this situation -- what was I expecting......Olive Garden (okay, maybe a bit more Fazoli's to be honest)?!
The food...The food is not that good either. I try to keep in mind that we paid 5.99 for it -- that for 5.99 it is pretty amazing...It doesn't work. I justify my hatred by telling myself that I was the special "grand gesture" buffet meal. Then I think it isn't nice to hate something that isn't free. I then stop and say "fuck it" which translates to me turning to my mother and saying, "I hate Cici's". My mom then says, "Hey, these people are some "real" people, some real "salt of the earth" folk. They are all here trying to make a living and this is affordable food. These are Americans!!" I wish that I could agree. I feel like yes, they could be Americans, but they also could be Klan members (there were some questionable tat's). My mom's speech was moving (I left a lot out, but you get the point). I stop listening and was just like, "Honestly, are you going to eat here again?". My mom slides her yellow plate to the edge of the table, sips her last bit of Pepsi, wipes her mouth, and said, "No, never again. But wasn't this a nice adventure?" I look to my father for some sort of support that my mother is crazy, but it looks like he is short of going into diabetic shock from all of the pizza he stuffed into his jowls.
In conclusion, if you have only $5.99 to spend, I would go to Speedway gas station to buy a hot dog and a pack of cigarettes before stepping foot in a Cici's/Eatza Pizza.
