Back from Waterloo!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Well, I'm back for Waterloo and it was a pretty fun trip, though most of it was spent helping my brother move and get settled in.  I discovered several things when I was there:

1) People should listen to me when I suggest that they buy silicone oven mitts.  Silicone oven mitts don't light on fire when you accidently touch the element in the oven.  Even if the traditional oven mitts have a rooster on them so that you can call them your "cock gloves" it's better to get oven mitts made of silicone.

2) London, Ontario has the best radio station ever.  Rock 96FM.  It's so good it made me a better person for having listened to it.

3) Ontario is a surprisingly empty and boring province when you're out of the GTA.  I always thought Ontario would be a province that was full of stuff.  I was wrong, it's really full of a lot of not much when you're outside the GTA.

4) Waterloo is a strangely Asian place.  I've never seen so many Asians in such a small area than around UW.  For a bit I thought the vortex that kept sending into the cornfield had magically sent me to Hong Kong or some shit.  The whole time I was there, I had the theme to Charlie Chan playing in my head.

5) Octopus sashimi tastes like ass.  Gummy, disgusting, bland ass.  I will never eat it again.

6) NPR is better than CBC Radio One.  I used to really love CBC radio but when I was in Waterloo the only decent thing that was on the radio was an interview with The Shatner.  Now, The Shatner is totally the awesome and you never hear him talking on the NPR but a single interview with him doesn't make up for a week of bad radio dramas, interviews with Alex "El Douchebag Avec Cue Cards" Trebek, Anne "Goddamn I'm Boring" Murray, and Rita "My Songs are Way Too Obvious and Completely Overrated" MacNeil.  Jian Ghomeshi, you sir have let me down.

7) I think I've gone native from living in the US for too long.  I spent the entire time I was in Waterloo complaining about higher prices, bad service, and bemoaning smaller serving sizes at restaurants.  I still however, appreciate the better roads, the laughable over-reactions that most Canadians have to crime, and the general better quality of food.  Though my arteries are feeling way too healthy.

8) I've come to the conclusion that I'm allergic to Indiana.  The moment I crossed the Michigan/Indiana border I broke out in hives.  Right now I look, and feel like, I rolled in a patch of poison oak, ivy, and sumac and I didn't even get out of my car.  The air rushing through the window in Indiana is a frickin' allergen.

9) The person who called in the bomb threat that closed the border crossing at Port Huron/Point Edward that left me waiting in my hot ass car for like 2 hours is a big giant douchebag.  If I ever discover who he or she is, (s)he is totally getting the Englewood Jack.

10)  It's fun to threaten people with Englewood Jack.  Mostly because people have no idea what I'm talking about.  I love Coach Jules.


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