Crap I like that is bad for the environment...

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I do not know about you, but I feel as a liberal that I am pigeon-holed into saving the environment and pushing for sustainability movements.  Somewhere deep down within me is the desire to return to the wild -- beautiful, green and untouched by our wanton ways for Wal-Mart and McDonald's.  I know this desire is felt by several people, and just not hippies and liberals. 

However, I have come to recognize this desire as G.A.S. (Good if Alcohol Sedated).  Me and nature just do not get along.  I find that I am allergic to most things that are green and have the potential to bloom.  I also hate not being able to control the thermostat.  In fact, nature is just downright uncivilized.  Despite this weird relationship of wanting to love the environment and strongly detesting it at the same time, I convince myself and others that we should save the environment/earth/world/whales.  I have no idea how I am saving things, but I gather tips from the sides of cereal boxes on how I can improve my world (mostly your world since I spend most of my time inside).  

Instead of boasting about how awesome I am because I am saving your precious planet, I thought I would rather highlight some crap that I like that is bad for the environment.

The #1 piece of crap that I enjoy is styrofoam.  I have no idea why, but Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like liquid crack in a styrofoam cup.  And it is not only cold liquids that taste assmazing in the magical styrofoam, hot drinks are also really craptacular.  Styrofoam is also the only material that I can put ice in and think of it as a pleasant addition to my drink.  I get overly excited when I arrive to some gas station that is so untouched by 2008 it still has those environmentally unwelcoming styrofoam cups.  I have come to find out that not all styrofoam is created equally. Apparently there is some sort of styrofoam that is not bad for the environment that I do not care to do research on, and it is quite possible I am making this all up.  Anyway, I bet those cups suck.

The #2 piece of crap I enjoy is air conditioning/central air.  I went to hear Al Gore spend a good 15 minutes talking about how if we decided not to all live in a faux, near-artic tempatured dwelling, we could cut something down that is really important for the world.  Of course I failed to listen what that "something" would be because I cannot fathom not being cold at all times of my life.  This idea is preposterous and I hope some budding scientist can fix this issue before it gets out of hand.  I should also note that Al Gore is not a skinny man.  Larger people sweat more and therefore require more cold air to be pleasant.  It is SCIENCE!  Al Gore is arguing for his demise.

I think if my two biggest contributions to ruining the whales and The Earth are cups and AC, I am not doing all that bad.  I think it evens itself out in the end.  For example, I have no car right now so I make the decision to get up out of bed and walk around to places for work instead of calling off sick.  I also sometimes remember to bring my reusable grocery bags to the store because I think the shade of green goes really well with my hair.  I even own a "Consume Less" button that I have used to help close a bag of clothes that I have never worn or will never wear that I will someday donate.  Hell, I even wear crocs, so at least I think I look like I am saving something (probably some sort of fashion sense).

I do not know if one day I will be able to stomach the nature and be able to not die in her bug-infested, sauna-like temps, and creepy Halloween track-sounding noises.   Instead I hope that the little offerings that I give back to Mother Nature after I blast my AC and drink my soda are enough to keep the planet safe for just a bit longer.  At least until someone gets wise and Jetsons it up.  It seems that living in little bubbles would not only be safer from nature, but also very, very clean.